How to choose a coach or mentor
Here’s 9 tips to help you pick the best coach for you
If you’re thinking about working with a coach and researching the best coach for you, the choice can feel overwhelming. There are so many! The International Coaching Federation reported a 15% increase in the number of coaches in just the last two years, and it doesn’t look like the growth is slowing down any time soon. To add to the overwhelm, there are dozens of different styles of coaching, all designed to help people through different challenges in different ways.
If you’re looking for a coach right now, I’ve written this article to help you navigate the landscape of coaching, and to give you some tips as you make your choice. I’m also including some useful questions to ask along the way - both of yourself and the coaches you speak to.
Tip #1: Get clear on your goals for coaching
The first thing to do is to get really clear on what you are looking for from coaching. You may know exactly what you want to do and want a coach to help you achieve your specific goal. Or, you may feel completely stuck and confused and want a coach to help you work out your next step. Or, maybe you’re somewhere in between.
Some questions to ask yourself:
Is there a specific goal I want help to achieve?
Am I looking to improve a specific area of life or do I want wider change across my life?
Am I looking for a sounding board or accountability as I work through a transition?
Do I want to improve my approach or performance in a specific area of work?
Do I need help making a decision?
Am I feeling generally stuck, overwhelmed or confused about what to do?
Tip #2: An experienced and relevant mentor can guide you on the path to achieving a specific goal
If you have a very clear goal and are looking for practical guidance, for example on starting a new business, breaking into a particular industry or type of role, or working on a specific problem, then an experienced mentor will be able to offer you both wisdom and practical help, as well as acting as a sounding board along the way.
Some questions to consider when choosing a mentor:
What’s their relevant experience in the area you are interested in? How credible is their advice?
What’s their professional network like and could they leverage this to help you?
How recent is their experience in this area? For example, do they still run a business, or still work in the industry you are interested in?
How do they keep up to date with the market?
Are they someone you could look up to? Have they achieved something you’d like to achieve?
Bear in mind that a mentor may well have achieved their success or built their knowledge in a different context from you. They may have had more or less financial security, or different educational and career experiences than you. They may have had a better or worse support network than you. So it will rarely be as easy as just understanding what they did and taking the same steps as them. When you’re talking to a potential mentor, be sure to understand their context, and their path to success, as well as the outcomes you can see. This is something to particularly look out for when your potential mentor is a wise colleague who you have approached for free mentoring rather a professional mentor who has experience of working with clients in a broad range of contexts.
Tip #3: Consider how deep you might need to go and the benefit of holistic coaching
Now, this is the really important bit. Whilst we may have very clear goals, we all come to our goals as unique individuals. We have our own set of values, we are shaped by our specific experiences, we have formed unique beliefs and perspectives. These are often helpful, and may well have resulted in the success you have achieved already. But these beliefs can also be unhelpful, and could be holding you back. What comes naturally and easily to one person may be exceptionally difficult for another.
If you struggle with imposter syndrome, perfectionism, people pleasing, lack of confidence, low self esteem, micro-managing, indecisiveness, overwhelm or poor working relationships, then these almost certainly will have their roots in something much deeper than the current situation. However, not all coaches will go this deep, and many coaches are fully ‘future-focused’, meaning that they won’t explore your past, or areas outside of the specific area you’ve come to them to work on.
This is where a coach who works ‘holistically’ can be of great benefit. They will help you to gain deep self-awareness, tackle those unhelpful beliefs, and create new, positive perspectives. This means exploring your past, and considering how you show up at work, in your relationships, and in other parts of your life.
One thing to bear in mind here is that whilst many coaches are trained in a therapeutic style, they will be much less likely to also be qualified counsellors or therapists. If you want to work on significant trauma in your past, or are experiencing more serious challenges related to your mental health then it’s always best to seek counselling or therapy from a suitably qualified professional before working with a coach.
Many coaches work in what is known as a ‘non-directive’ style. Through effective questioning and skilled listening and observation they help you draw out your goals and your options for achieving them.These coaches are ‘future-focused’ and will help you build a plan that you feel committed to achieving. But they won’t usually intervene with their own suggestions or information. Taking this approach means that you often feel a deep motivation to implement your plan. But it can also mean that potentially useful input is left out of the conversation. Working with a coach who isn’t so closely tied to the ‘non-directive’ style of coaching can allow you to benefit from wider inputs.
If your mental health is generally good, and you think you might benefit from working on deeper issues, and having input from your coach, then look for a coach taking a ‘holistic’ or ‘therapeutic’ approach. Here are some questions to ask them:
Will you help me consider how my past might be affecting the challenges I’m experiencing now?
Will you help me work on beliefs or experiences that I’ve had that might be holding me back?
Will we talk about my life both in and outside of work, or will we stay focused on the area I want to see improvements in?
What training and qualifications do you have to help me explore the past? What are the limits of your training?
Will you offer suggestions or information to me based on your knowledge and experience?
Tip #4: An accomplished executive or leadership coach can help you improve your performance in specific business challenges
If you have a very specific business challenge you want to work on, then an executive or leadership coach may be well placed to support you. They will share knowledge of theories and models to help you work through business-related issues like strategy development, decision making and leadership development.
Often, leaders work with executive or leadership coaches sponsored by their organisation. It’s fantastic when companies invest in the professional development of their leaders in this way, but it’s worth exploring the dynamics of the relationship upfront. Sometimes these agreements build in ‘triangulation’ - where the coach is contracted to ‘report back’ to the company on progress made in the coaching relationship. Being clear on how this will work, and the boundaries of confidentiality, will help you decide if this is right for you.
Many executive or leadership coaches stay firmly in the business arena - this is often more likely if they are being funded by your organisation. What this means is that deeper issues related to mindset, beliefs, or past experiences may not be broached, leading to a more transactional type of support.
When choosing an executive or leadership coach, think about these questions:
What ‘on the ground’ business experience do they bring to their work?
Are they experienced working with leaders at your level of seniority?
What performance improvement and outcomes have they helped previous clients to achieve?
What is their scope? Do they work on deeper issues around mindset, beliefs or past experiences, and how do they tackle this?
Tip #5: Career coaches can give practical support to help you find your next role.
If your specific goals are focused on career progression or finding your next role then a career coach may well be the right fit for you. Some career coaches lean towards very practical help, whereas others will create space for exploration of different paths.
Career coaches will help you to assess your current skills, talents and aspirations, help you get clarity on exactly what you are looking for, and may then also give you practical support to best articulate these in your LinkedIn profile, CV and job applications. They may help with interview preparation and practice, help you create a job searching plan, and support you to better leverage both online and in-person networking. Career coaches often have good professional networks which they are able to leverage to help you. Some may have formal or informal links with recruiters in specific industries or roles.
When choosing a career coach, consider these questions:
How clear am I on my next role? Do I know the job I want or would I like space to explore possibilities?
How much practical help do I need with job searching and applications?
What knowledge does the coach have of my specific industry or job role? How important is this to me?
Am I likely to need help with confidence, imposter syndrome or other mindset issues? Will this coach work on a deeper level with me if I need it?
Tip #6: Life coaches can help you sort your life out
If your goals relate to improving your home life, across your relationships, or your health and wellbeing, then a life coach may be most helpful for you. Life coaches tend to work across your whole life, and focus on helping you achieve personal goals and make decisions. If you want to hone in on a specific area of your life, then many life coaches specialise in particular areas, for example diet, relationships or wellbeing.
Some questions to consider:
Am I clear on the changes I want to make and are they specific or general?
Do I want to explore how I show up at work as well as at home? Does this coach have relevant expertise to help me with my professional development if appropriate?
How deeply will the coach work with me?
Tip #7: Transformational coaches are holistic and therapeutic, and may specialise in particular areas
The term ‘transformational coach’ usually refers to a professional who works in a holistic way, across your whole life and work, and will help you to explore your past before looking ahead to the future. They may specialise in a particular area, for example career transitions, relationship improvement, or executive performance. They are likely to combine therapeutic tools with theories and models from psychology and leadership development. They usually work flexibly across the spectrum from therapeutic work to mentoring to practical help - with different approaches deployed at different times to achieve transformational outcomes.
Some questions you might want to ask transformational coaches:
Who do you typically work with, and on what kinds of challenges?
What types of outcomes do you typically see with your clients?
What career and life experiences do you bring to this work?
What theories and techniques do you use to help your clients?
Tip #8: Speak to a few coaches before you make your decision
Once you’ve got an idea of the type of coach you are looking for, then you need to pick the right coach for you. I’ve always been told to get three quotes before I pick an expert, and I’d recommend you do the same here too. There will be differences in their style of working, the way they package and price their work, in their particular skills and experience, and in their style.
Almost all coaches will offer a short, free ‘discovery’, ‘chemistry’, or ‘introduction’ call before you commit to investing in working with them (be wary if they don’t, or if they charge you for this). Pick your favourite three and speak to them before you make your decision. Take a look at their reviews or other testimonials to see what their clients are saying about working with them.
You will also want to make sure that their ways of working and terms and conditions suit you, for example do they coach online, in person, or both? What’s their approach to cancelling or rearranging sessions? Are they available between sessions? Check that they have a privacy policy that explains how they will protect your data, that they subscribe to a code of ethics, and they have business insurance.
Tip #9: Tune into your instinct. Who do you ‘click’ with? Who do you feel ‘gets’ you?
And finally, make sure to tune into what your gut is saying. There might be some rational reasons why a coach isn’t perfect on paper. Perhaps their experience doesn't fit perfectly with your industry. Perhaps they usually work on different kind of challenges to yours. But that intangible feeling of ‘gelling’ with someone can’t be beaten. If you click with them, you feel they ‘get’ you, and you like their approach, then they are likely to be the right coach for you.
I wish you a fruitful and enjoyable search for the coach that’s right for you.
P.S. If you’ve found this useful, then please join my weekly email community for regular doses of wisdom like this, straight to your inbox. If you’re interested in working with me, then check out my 121 coaching packages and use this link to arrange an initial chat with me. And if you’d like me to talk to your team, organisation or community about this, or any of my other articles, then please reach out via email to enquire about speaking/workshop engagements.
