Do I need to make big changes in order to transform my life? (no, you need to think big, and act small)

I’m often asked a question along these lines when I talk to people about transformational coaching. Transformation is a big word, and it conjures up visions of big changes. We imagine changes like getting a new job, moving somewhere completely different, leaving a relationship, or dramatically changing your appearance. In my work helping sustainability leaders to transform their careers, I often speak to people who hope to transform their lives through a career pivot - perhaps leaving corporate, changing industry, or going freelance. And it’s certainly true that all these things will have the effect of transforming the circumstances of your life. What is less clear though is whether they’ll transform your life for the better. For that, you need to think even bigger, and counter-intuitively, act smaller. 

In my experience, there are two key ingredients for positive transformation. The first requires you to think big.

We all know about setting SMART goals. The acronym has a couple of different definitions but we usually see either 'R' for Realistic, or 'A' for Achievable, which may be holding us back from transformation. When we set goals that feel feasible and easily achievable we can limit ourselves from the possibilities of major transformation. 

I was introduced to this idea in a book called ‘Challenging Coaching’ by John Blakey and Ian Day, and they explain the concept through a lovely metaphor that requires you to imagine you’re a caterpillar. If you set realistic goals for yourself that push you forwards incrementally from where you are today, you’ll likely become a bigger, faster, caterpillar. However, if your goals are bold and courageous, you could transform into a butterfly. 

So, when I work with clients on transformation and goal setting, I ask them to replace the ‘R’ of SMART with ‘C’ for ‘courageous’, and think big. 

You can do this too. Ask yourself:

💛What would be your equivalent of winning an Olympic gold medal?

💛If you believed anything was possible, what would you want to achieve?

💛What would be possible if you had all the support you needed?

Letting the creative side of your brain loose, and allowing yourself to dream big can unlock ideas and ambitions that you may never have given space to explore before. Once you have articulated your hopes and dreams, you can begin to work backwards to map out the steps that you could take to get there. 

The second ingredient to positive transformation requires you to act small.

Deep transformation happens in the micro-moments. It happens in your everyday small decisions, your habits and the conversations you have with yourself and others. This is well covered by James Clear in his book Atomic Habits. He talks about the power of small, incremental, daily changes to accumulate over time and create positive transformation. On the converse, small negative daily changes can also accumulate over time and lead to crisis. 

The most transformational outcomes I’ve seen with my clients aren’t necessarily those involving big life changes. They are the improvements in energy, outlook and mindset caused when hundreds, or thousands of micro-moments of change accumulate over time. A job that seemed unbearable when your patterns of behaviour led you to agree to every request and work until the task was completed might feel quite different when you have self-belief, new boundaries, and the courage to make the small actions needed to hold yourself and others accountable to them. 

When I’m working with clients, we often spend big chunks of time exploring the patterns of behaviour that might not be serving them, and building new boundaries that create more time, energy and peace when implemented across all the micro-moments of someone’s life. 

If you’re seeking transformation in your life, and mulling over making big life changes, it’s worth exploring whether there are patterns of behaviour playing out which you could try to tackle first. There’s no point moving to a new job in search of something better if you’re just going to take all your old ways with you. 

Keeping a journal can be helpful. Note down events and situations that happen where you notice your instinctive response drained your time, your energy or your peace. Look for patterns over time and consider what a more useful response might have looked like. Over time you may find yourself noticing these moments as they occur, and feeling able to step in with a more useful response. 

As I’ve been writing this, an old saying keeps on popping into my mind: 

“change begins at home”. 

And I know it’s cliched, but it rings true. If you’re yearning for transformation in your life, start by looking close to home, at those small, micro-moments that make up everyday life.