Big decisions aren't usually the beginning of transformation
We often think that transforming our lives starts with making one big, brave decision. In reality, it's usually the other way around. The biggest decisions are rarely the beginning of transformation. They're the result of it. Before we feel ready to change careers, leave a job, move home or pursue something we've always dreamed of, there's often a quieter process taking place beneath the surface. One where we challenge old beliefs, build confidence and gradually become the person who's ready to take that next step.
There are some decisions in life that are straightforward. You wake up one morning, decide you’re in the wrong job, and start applying for new roles that evening. Or you visit a fantastic new town for the first time, look in the estate agent’s windows and by the end of the week your house is on the market. Sometimes the decisions flow. You know you’re ready, you know what you need to do, and it all feels easy.
Sometimes that’s not the case. Sometimes big decisions can feel impossible. Why? Perhaps…
Your decision affects other people.
Your decision might put your income at risk.
Your decision goes against what you’ve been told all your life.
You don’t think you can do it.
You worry what others might think if you make the decision.
You’ve made big decisions before that you got wrong.
You don’t like feeling uncertain.
You’ve invested too much time or money in the path you’re currently on.
You’ve achieved a level of status your decision might put at risk.
You don’t feel ready.
The list could go on. I’ve heard all these things and more in my coaching room.
So, we often end up in a middle ground. In this place we might:
💛Have a dream about how things might be.
💛Have some vague ideas about what to change.
💛Have a sense of unease about how things feel right now.
💛Know what the obvious next step is, but it still feels off.
It can be an uncomfortable place to be. William Bridges, who developed the Transition Model, made an important distinction between change and transition. Change (an external event) can happen overnight. Transition (the internal change) takes longer. Before we can embrace something new, we often have to tackle the unhelpful beliefs holding us back, and let go of part of our old identity. That in-between space can feel uncertain, frustrating and uncomfortable, but it's often where the most important inner work happens.
Sometimes, the rug gets pulled out from under us. A redundancy, a bereavement, an illness, burnout or another unexpected crisis forces us to act. We have to make decisions even though we don’t feel ready. Other times, nothing dramatic happens at all. The middle ground simply becomes too uncomfortable to stay in, and eventually we decide, now's the time.
But there's more to transforming your life than simply deciding now's the time.
To create lasting change that's aligned with who you really are, and that feels good for the long term, you've got to work on all those things that have been holding you back for so long. It might be things like your relationship with success, status, money, security, certainty, work, career, home, family, other people and, perhaps most importantly, yourself.
Because people don't usually wake up one morning magically ‘ready’.
More often, they've gradually reduced the fears and beliefs that have been keeping them stuck. They've become more comfortable with uncertainty. They've started questioning the stories they've always told themselves. They've begun showing up differently in small ways, long before anyone else notices. That's why transformation isn't just about waking up one day and making a big decision. It takes time to do the inner work.
In my coaching room, I've worked with plenty of leaders who know that their current situation is untenable. They have dreams and plans for how things could be better, but they can't quite bring themselves to take the leap. Together, we identify what's really holding them back and we work on those things first. They begin making small changes. Those small changes build confidence and self-belief. They start talking differently about what's possible. They become clearer about what they want and why it matters. Then, at some point, they make a decision that sets the dominoes into action. Something that creates a momentum of its own.
Looking from the outside, it can seem as though that decision changed everything. But in reality, the transformation had already begun. The decision wasn't the beginning of the transformation. It was the result of it.
💛I’m wondering, if you’re reading this article, perhaps you’ve got dreams and plans of your own? Perhaps you know something feels off, but you don’t know how to feel ‘ready’ to make the change. If that’s you then we should have a chat… use this link to set up a discovery call with me https://calendly.com/liv-yellowbenchcoaching/30min_discovery_call
